This cast is the sorry-est cast I have ever seen in any Gundam series. I don’t mean ‘sorry’ in that “they suck” – I mean this cast is the most apologetic and regretful when it comes to wartime action. Although this might sound like a positive trait, another word I could use in place of ‘sorry-est’ is ‘bitchy-est’. Christina the tactical operator wets her spacesuit at the mere thought of dying; Sumeragi cries her eyes out the moment the battle is over; Allelujah cries because he turns into the Hulk every now and then; the list goes on and on and on.

With that sorry-est rant out of the way, the episode itself was pretty brief. Despite all the things that have been said about the “Trap Gundam” (i.e. Nadleeh), not a lot happens in this episode – other than the conclusion of the battle and a one minute long epilogue of the aftermath.

Summary:

Saji Crossroad is still alive. I wouldn’t notice were it not for the fact that his girlfriend hogged the first five minutes of the episode. Wave to Saji below.

The second episode of this battle is all about two things. One is traps; and no, I am not referring to the strategic genius of the HRL’s Sergei Smirnov. No, I am speaking of the Gundam variety, when something goes horribly awry because you followed your master plan to take down a Gundam only to find out it could do something you never knew about. I’ll touch on the traps in a little bit. The second is hentai fetishes. You’ll see where I’m going in a little bit.

"I'm coming in, hard and fast!"

After discovering the Kyrios Gundam, Sergei fetches Soma and her goon squad on Allelujah. He cautions them to use special netting, which is just that: a high density net that is designed to cling onto and hold down the Kyrios Gundam, preventing it from transforming so it could defend itself. Soma is tasked with the job of grabbing hold of the Gundam, which prompts excessive warnings from Allelujah after his spidey sense goes wonkers over her nearby proximity. As Soma lays her mecha hands on the Gundam, he starts screaming like he was being prison raped in the showers before finally passing out… like he was being prison raped in the showers… yeah.

"I have a boyfriend! If I get pregnant he'll use sniper rifles on us!"

So the dynamic duo bring their orange bounty into the cargo hold of their pirate ship to haul away to the station. At this point, the Virtue Gundam finally shows up, its pilot Tieria all too ready to bitch about the ambush and Allelujah’s complete failure to turn the plane around. As the Virtue Gundam skirmishes with Soma’s battle group, HRL personnel inside the pirate ship (I’m sorry but I am compelled to call the cargo container a pirate ship) try to cut open the cockpit area to kick out Allelujah. But at some point, Hallelujah, a.k.a. the Hulk, wakes up and decides to bail out by cutting the ship in half.

Meanwhile, Tieria is having a very hard time shooting down the mobile suits, in part because Sergei is there leading his men. They end up having to use all sorts of devices to bind the Gundam; first, wires to hold out its limbs and keep it in place; second, sticky substances shot at the joints to prevent it from flexing, then finally the mobile suits themselves, latching onto each limb of the Gundam. After having 5 or 20 wires, 5 lbs of Gundam jello, and 6-8 mobile suits thrust upon his mobile suit, Tieria finally had enough and pushed the “I WIN” button.

As awesome as the button sounds, the result was nowhere near the vicinity of the word awesome. The Virtue Gundam jettisons all its armor and hardpoint weaponry, revealing its true form – similar somewhat to the Exia Gundam. Setting aside the internet’s commentary on this second anorexic form, or the Nadleeh, the revelation is reminiscent of Gundam Seed’s Strike Gundam and its various add on packs… well, minus the girly red hair. Sergei and friends were so terrified by the visage of a “Female Gundam” they decide to pack it in and abort the mission. You would be, too!

You're damn right Lord Vader is going to have your ass for this failure!

Unfortunately, Sergei, Soma, and Red Shirt #10 had some bad luck that day because they flew right into the embrace of the murdering psychopath Hallelujah Haptism. After a brief skirmish in which the Kyrios Gundam exercised the superiority of its BB gun on Soma’s invincible mobile suit, Red Shirt #10 tackles the Gundam, holding it down long enough for the dynamic duo to escape. Hallelujah then proceeds to torture Red Shirt #10 with death by slow heat saber incineration, before reverting back to his true self Allelujah and crying his eyeballs out over his Hulk transformation.

There’s a short epilogue showing that everyone’s fine. Sumeragi is crying, Allelujah is crying, even Tieria is crying. The show ends with our beloved Bond villain, Ms. Wang, pondering why she is contractually obligated to command a brigade of civilian wussies, incompetent soldiers, and male crybabies.

Oh no, not you Christina-chan. Lord Vader is displeased with your lack of confidence.

Comments:

At first, I thought there was some sort of homage hidden in the binding of the Virtue Gundam: the wire technique was used in the Gundam movie, Char’s Counterattack, where Neo-Zeon forces tried to force ace pilot Amuro Ray to surrender his Gundam; and the jelly technique was used in an episode of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex when a mobile tank was rampaging through a suburban area. If I were a producer that was in need of easy-to-access inspiration for the show, those two sources are pretty easy to get.

But then, the internet realized some other things: that Allelujah, instead of struggling or veering off in his Gundam’s bound state, screamed like a girl when his Gundam was being captured, that Tieria the crossdressing trap pilots a Gundam that can strip into an anorexic female form, and that the binding of both Gundams involved techniques that are strikingly similar to… wait for it… HENTAI FETISHES!

The netting on the Kyrios Gundam can be attributed to bondage, originally a Japanese technique to use rope to artfully bind a person (in 99.99% of all cases, female). Wire dangling is no stranger to the porn industry, and the jello… well you can figure out the jello part for yourself I guess.

I know, you wanted that role in Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann. Just try to hold out for another 30 episodes!

There is so much crying in this episode that its downright demoralizing. I mean, I was no stranger to Gundam pilots crying after seeing Gundam Seed’s Kira Yamato fill the Great Lakes with his tears. But as a 15 year old that’s been whisked away to fight battles against his best friend and for children he ends up failing to save, he had legitimate reasons for his insanity. Tieria ends up crying over taking his Gundam’s clothes off, begging the question, “WTF?”.

Earlier last week I suggested to Comrade Crusader at THAT Animeblog that this series was in fact based in the same timeline as Neon Genesis Evangelion, if only for the inexplicable fact that this entire cast descend from the bloodline of the infamous chickenshit Shinji. That would be the only logical basis for a supposedly professional guerrilla group that is composed of crybaby pilots, incompetent commanders, and crew members that openly mutiny on the command bridge during a live battle.

This man will save the Earth from the fanservice whor- erm the Gundams!

Since I’ve spent so much time ‘lending constructive criticism’ to Crusader’s reviews of Gundam00 at THAT Anime Blog (which is offline at the moment), I figured, “well hey I might as well post my own little reviews.” As a man who has a hard time making a habit out of anything, this blog is just my little way of getting myself to kick the habit of kicking new habits. Enough of that: on with the show.

Ever since the first episode, I’ve slowly watched the series devolve into an illogical state of being – first with its convoluted premise (of framing Gundam00 through the context of the 23rd century’s/today’s global political reality) becoming more and more nonsensical, and then with its obsessive needs to (A) provide fanservice in the shape of large voluptuous bosoms, (B) show off the many embarrassing applications for the Exia Gundam’s kitchenware set, and (C) prove that Japanese fanboi/yaoi stalker Saji Crossroads is in fact still alive and watching the BBC. The series’ spiral into madness reached a crescendo with the infamous episode number eight. For the sake of my sleep time, I will only summarize the episode as “stuffing chicken broth soup with all the vegetables known to man.”

My imaginary friends, the storm has now passed. Either that, or I will soon find myself in the calm eye of the lolrific hurricane that is Gundam00.

Review:

The episode starts with a flashback. Lockon/the sniper pilot guy is visiting his parents’ grave when he discovers his brother was there too. And then that’s that. Evil twin? Plastic surgery? A product of Kira Yamato’s Baby Clone Factory? A later episode will tell.

There’s a time skip between the last episode and #9 for the length of four months. This is significant because (A) there has been no mention of the ecoterrorists Celestial Being had to take out in the last episode, and (B) the episode goes out of its way to imply that “the ecoterrorism arc is dead.” Well you might be thinking, “but SoulShard, what does this mean exactly,” or, “what are you trying to say?” I’ll get back to this point in a bit.

 

There isn't a Black Haro! You'll be hearing from the NAACP, Sunrise!

All of the Gundams are now in outer space, docked at the Ptolemy flagship for what I can reasonably assume to be upgrades. Apparently, Haros are also utilized as the ship’s maintenance crew – which makes better sense to me than simply being Lockon’s co-pilot, considering that these people live in the 23rd century. Lockon’s Haro is seen utilized a small mech to conduct the maintenance work on the Dynames. This also explains why the Ptolemy is maintained by such a small crew.

Any long time Gundam fan may not really care for how Haros are utilized in this series, considering the many previous incarnations they took; starting with First Gundam. However, I can’t help but feel somewhat satisfied that Haros in Gundam00 are an actual utility, as opposed to Gundam SEED where Haros were at best a fashion accessory and at worse a jabbering beach ball. It would be awesome if these Haros held some kind of advanced sentient AI – perhaps the minds of previous Celestial Being members, or fallen comrades from previous conflicts. Although being reincarnated as a Haro might sound crappy, you can’t blame the Haro for being cost effective.

"Hello, my name is Alejandro Corner. We heard about a special discount you were offering for your 'services'."

Meanwhile, Sergei Smirnov of the HRL is briefing his men + one supersoldier gal on a search and destroy mission against Celestial Being. Although previous episodes have been nothing but one group after another trying to take on the Gundams, this is radically different. As opposed to the AEU or the Union, who use politics and economics for the basic structure behind their operations planning, the HRL has bid its time, raising a special strike force under a patient, calculating commander. And it shows in the portrayal of the tactical planning as Sergei and pals outline their strategy and detail the devices that will be deployed. As opposed to the AEU’s approach, which was basically, ‘zerg them’, this particular group of antagonists has intrigued me… which is something that has been missing from previous episodes.

Back at the Ptlomey (I hate spelling this word!), the crew decides to go on lunch break and leaves the bridge to this guy. Wikipedia says his name is “Lichtendahl Caeli,” so we’ll run with that. Lockon goes to the observation deck to kill some time when he finds Felt/pink haired girl sobbing to herself. They have a little chat about their backgrounds as Lockon reveals the root of his anger towards terrorism – that his parents were victims of a terrorist bombing – while Felt’s background is startling similar to a certain mage in the tsundere series Zero no Tsukaima, a certain distant cousin of Yuki Nagato’s named Tabitha. This coincidence reestablishes my faith in the hypothesis that Felt, like Yuki Nagato, shares a distant ancestry with Rei Ayanami of Evangelion fame. But that’s for another post.

Christina gets back from her lunch break when she realizes the enemy has deployed probes in their vicinity, which in turn prompts her to call Caeli a dumbass hobo. (Once again, breasts = brains.) Although I can certainly find ways to mock the hell out of this scenario, we should be content that the show establishes some base of reasoning for how the Gundams could be caught off guard in what would otherwise be an impossibility. Just remember that if you had to pick between a guy and a girl for radar duty on your own battleship, don’t pick the guy.

I know I’ve badmouthed Gundam00’s skirmishes/slaughterfests in the past eight previous episodes, but this episode’s battle is the first in this series which has really excited me. The probes identify where the Ptlomey in, and Sergei leads his team on a hot pursuit. Sumeragi, clad in space battle suit and all, deploys the Virtue and the Kyrios on opposite ends of the HRL’s flanks to try to bait them into pursuing the Ptlomey, where the two Gundams would then turn in to assault the HRL from behind. But its revealed that Sergei was a veteran of the previous space war, and is too experienced and calculating to be outdone by the Ptlomey’s own veteran captain, Sumeragi.

"Are we actually going to fight?!"

HRL deploys empty mobile suit carriers to its flanks to divert the Gundams’ attention while making its assault on the Ptolemy. The Dynames and the Exia are left to fend the main force off their flagship, but… this is where the episode begins to shine. This is when we see the limits of these seemingly invincible Gundams.

"What the hell did you just say, Lieutenant?!!"

Dynames’ calibration is somehow off balance as a result of being in space, so Lockon has a hard time hitting his targets. Meanwhile, Setsuna is trying to hold the mobile suits at bay with his kitchenware set, only to find that they refuse to let him close into melee distance and fly away. He uses the Exia Gundam’s beam rifle instead, but he’s a pretty lousy shot. This has been proven in previous episodes, both in the cockpit and, much more recently, out of the cockpit in Scotland.

As Allelujah makes a U-turn back towards the battlefront, he flies his Kyrios straight into a minefield, bogging the Gundam down. A hidden HRL force deploys to meet the Kyrios, under the command of Soma in her pink chariot. By this point, Sumeragi finally realizes that the Gundams were the real targets, and that Sergei was intent on capturing them piece by piece. I found Allelujah on the verge of changing into his signature “Imma gonna rape you” face, but the episode ends on that cliffhanger.

"I must not fear... fear in the mindkiller... I must not fear..."

Thoughts:

This episode is a change in direction for the series, and a much needed one at that. I’ve always felt that space is the home of the Gundam series, that space is where Gundam reaches its full grandeur. Almost every UC Gundam series climaxed in outer space in equally impressive showings. Gundam Wing’s and Gundam SEED’s biggest bangs were in outer space. In Gundam SEED, the Archangel’s struggle to descend to the Earth sported impressive eye candy and sincere struggle. This episode has sent the Gundams to space. This episode has sent the Gundams home.

In many Gundam series, Earth is often the training grounds upon which Gundam pilots learn to walk and fight, whereas space is the battlefield that forces Gundam pilots to go beyond the breaking point in their potential. Whereas the Exias found itself an invincible melee unit on Earth, it was helpless in space against mobile suits without the aid of gravity. The Dynames is also forced to operate in true three dimensional environments – there is no longer any ground, any earth to keep its targets in its sights.

This is the Gundams' worst nightmare. This is PINK.

There is also the oldtype factor. Newtypes often are depicted as the only Gundam pilots that can perform ‘one shot one kill’ piloting. The reason why we see Lockon and Setsuna struggle to do something so simple as shooting mobile suits down is because they aren’t newtypes – they’re old fashioned humans. And that makes their struggles to defend the Ptlomey that much more sincere, that much more believable. I have to confess, I would like Lockon more if he didn’t kill every mobile suit with a single shot from bloody pistols for the past six-seven episodes.

Perhaps there was some real thought put into the strategic output of the four Gundams. Perhaps Exia was supposed to be an intimidation unit, pushing slow mobile suits who have no hope of moving out of the Exia’s way into a corner, only to have the Virtue or the Dynames mow them down. Perhaps the Virtue was supposed to double up with the Exia for sieging fortresses, while the Kyrios maintains air superiority and the Dynames covers the rear and the flanks. But maybe that potential to make the series come off as sophisticated went sour, with the series’ pressing need to, quite simply, do too many things in one episode.

The absence of the Greenpeace terrorists from the last two episodes or any links to their conspiracy arc also indicates a change in direction. Although time skips in Gundam series are normal, I can’t help but feel that this particular time skip holds importance; in part because, for the past eight episodes, we’ve been watching Celestial Being go from mission to mission, as if we were watching them act day by day. I was totally expecting episode nine to be ‘the day after episode eight’, based on what was portrayed to me so far.

So, here’s my theory – the Greenpeace story arc was a means to buy the staff more time to develop the episodes that would alleviate many of my concerns for the series. Very little fanservice, a single protagonist group in an episode, the lack of sociopolitical commentary by virtually every major player in Gundam00 and their relatives, and, most importantly, focus has led me to believe so. Maybe I’m over-reaching, but, in the beginning, I wanted to believe in the premise of this series and in its good intentions to make the everyday man connect with this series.

Perhaps it’s good intentions will not be proven by the show’s pitiful presentation at linking ‘Sunrisevisionist’ history to 12 year olds wanting to see the Exia slice em and dice em. Perhaps they’ll be proven by sincerely human struggle.

A year later, the saga continues! Sort of kind of meh. New habit coming soon.

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I sure as hell knew I wasn't an ADHD child. But these days... well, let me say it plainly. I can't read past the first line of any given text.

Don't get me wrong, this is not 100% of the time. Somehow, right before a Biology exam, right before a Spanish quiz, right before whatever I need to do is due, I pick up my book/notes/papers/whatever and do what most students do - read the text. Lets put this in perspective: I have an assignment in front of me - literally in front of me, on paper. It's been lying here on my desk staring at me for a couple hours now. I haven't been able to read past the first line, let alone comprehend a logical plan of response towards this rather simple assignment.

"Go see somebody." Well, I have a long story for that too... and in the immediate short term, I can't do that. But in the short amount of time when I was on pills, I'm not sure that helped entirely. Let me correct myself - of course it didn't fix all of my issues in one hard swallow. Pills are an aid, not the whole treatment. But that's another conversation.

Anyway, I'm just frustrated that I can't even hold my favorite manga past ten seconds. It's incomprehensible, the idea of an affliction that would do that to me. And I've read that manga issue before. Geez, the human body can be messed up at times.

I had a nightmare last night... or rather, a very disturbing dream. My father died. He was naked, his head severed from his torso. I put his head back in place, hoping he was okay now. Later in the dream, I was given the news that my father died. I cried uncontrollably, while people walked into the room talking to each other like normal. The pain and the grief I had felt felt so very real. I woke up, unable to tell what was real for a good minute or two.

The severed head/torso part no doubt stems from my recent devotion to the Xbox 360 game, "Gears of War", since I just love using a chainsaw on the Locust baddies. However, I can't help but feel "disturbed" that a subject which troubled me in my waking hours, a subject I often ignore, has entered my sleep for the first time in a graphic way. When I woke up, it was no earlier than 5 in the morning, but I had the urge to call my father to see if he was doing okay. I did not.

In fact, I didn't call at all. Despite a nightmare that left such an aftershock, I can calmly move about my day without worry. I've gotten used to it by now. It's not ignoring, mind you. It's procrastination. Yep, the very act which brought about this nightmare is in fact how people put off their homework, lawn work, car maintenance, grocery shopping, laundry (snap! I still have to do the laundry!), all the loathsome tasks we often deal with in life. Yes, I've gotten used to procrastination by now.

I was supposed to work on a 10 page mini-thesis on Victorian literature today. I've had the whole day to work on it, but I haven't spent a single second on it. That's the mastery of procrastination. That's my expertise, my profession for quite a long time.

Or, maybe, I should call it the policy of fear.

I started this blog about a week after I was inspired to get one. I've been meaning to put what is to be no doubt a heart warming story of woe and tragedy and doubts of faith, but, to be frank, I've been more busier than I could recall in recent memory.

I mean, I know a 17 credit course load implies hard manual labor, but this is just ridiculous. I'm in just the first month and I'm trying to keep my head above water, being bombarded by test and paper assignments every week. It's a miracle I haven't sunk at the half-ass speed I've been going at for the weeks preceding this week.

Anyway I wanted to put something up since I meant to put something, anything up. I do believe its better to have something as opposed to nothing.